It is essential to begin with an explanation, else doublenutty as a blog handle will seem bizarre and disrespectful.

A random picture of my ‘nutty’ cat

I suffer from bipolar disorder – a debilitating and frightening mental health condition. In fact, I am writing this from a psychiatric hospital where I am currently being treated for the second time. On a recent TV series, “Bedlam”, there was a beautiful moment when a confused old lady when asked what was wrong with her eventually remembered that she was bipolar and declaimed “that means that I am double nutty”. I immediately took her to my heart and loved her description of bipolar disorder. Since then, my bipolar friends and I have referred to ourselves as “double nutty”. Far from being disrespectful, we see this as an affectionate and empathetic descriptor. And so, it was inevitable that this should become my blog handle. 

This is the first time that I have blogged, and I am hesitant, very hesitant. I am uncertain that I have anything original and worthwhile to say. But at the same time I am driven by an overwhelming conviction that I should talk openly about my condition and my experience of mental illness.

Whatever is claimed by society, there can be no denying that a significant stigma still surrounds mental illness. It seems to me, and all my peers in hospital, that we are duty bound to talk gently about our own experiences, in whatever form is natural and right for us, so that in time this stigma might be overcome.

So this blog is my own humble attempt to talk honestly and openly about ‘being bipolar’. Though you’ll notice I’m not yet being entirely open. This blog is still anonymous. Please forgive my reticence to put my name to my words. I’m still coming to terms with my diagnosis and it may take me a little while before I feel able to put my name to these idle ramblings. But please know that, though still cloaked in secrecy, these jottings are a sincere attempt to be honest about my experiences of bipolar disorder.

In my next post, I’ll summarise my bipolar journey to date and my experience of being hospitalised twice in the last 6 months. I hope, in some small way, this might give an insight into the experience of being bipolar.